You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When....

* Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
* You get a speeding ticket even when you're 
  parked.
* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* You lick your coffeepot clean.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take 
  your pulse.
* You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* Your only source of nutrition comes from 
  "Sweet & Low." 
* You've worn out the handle on your favorite 
  coffee mug.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You've worn the finish off you coffee table.
* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
* Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.
* You're so wired you pick up FM radio.
* Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of 
  beans." 
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You want to be cremated just so you can spend 
  eternity in a coffee can.
* You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar." 
* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping 
  position. 
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee 
  with an I.V. hookup.